Just the facts

We went on vacation. We drove many miles. We came home and ate taquitos. My oldest friend had a baby. We met him in the hospital. While we were there the security company called and said our alarm was going off. We tried to race home but a slow truck got in our way. We yelled expletives. We honked the horn. The children laughed with glee. At home there was no sign of forced entry. Last time there was forced entry. The house appeared ransacked but it was just the work of toddlers. Nothing was missing. No one was under the bed. The security company said there wasn't a glitch on their end. I did a little laundry but the washer is unbalanced and spun out. Our towels still smell like sunscreen and I don't want to go to sleep. Ten days of so-so sleeping in the same room as the noisily breathing babies and I want them in our room again. The glitch was not on their end, they said.